Do you have any friends you regret not keeping in touch with?

Another topic inspired by plinky.com

As life goes on, friends come and go.  People change; some have families, some move away, some continue spending all their money in the pub at least two nights per weekend, some you just grow out of/grow apart/things change.  One of my old friends though, Gillian, still crosses my thoughts more than the others.  Perhaps because there is an unresolved issue.

Gillian and I stopped talking after a night out in the pub.  We hadn’t been friends for long – maybe a year, but we clicked and got on really well, always enjoying our nights out together.  Gillian is a lovely, gentle and friendly person with a smile which lights up a room.

Gillian had been seeing someone called John.  On my arrival in the pub that night, the rest of the circle of friends – which was made up of maybe a dozen girls and the same number of guys who we’d sit with and chat to – were talking about how John was still seeing his ex, or at least sleeping with her, and she was now claiming to be pregnant.  Everyone seemed to know about it, bar Gillian.  You can see where this is going, yes?

Whenever I heard or was part of this conversation I said “someone needs to tell her, it’s so unfair that everyone else knows”.  Someone suggested that I tell her.  Soon everyone agreed that this was a good idea.  Silly old me, I was persuaded and took Gillian outside for a chat and told her what was being talked about.  It quickly snowballed – Gillian was in tears, John was irate, the night out obviously was a disaster and most ended up going home, but not after a few harsh words had been directed at me.

I do feel as though I was a scapegoat that night.  I was a bit of an outsider in the group as I hadn’t gone to school with everyone else – we had moved to that area when I was a teenager.  I thought, and still think, that I did the right thing.  Certainly not at the right time or in the right environment, that is clear, but the group of ‘friends’ who were gossiping about it on the night out were not being fair.  I was naive enough to be persuaded that I was being a good friend to Gillian by telling her, there and then.  Big mistake.  Writing this now makes me wonder what I was thinking.

I don’t think Gillian and I have spoken since that night.  She still speaks to the wider circle of friends and her relationship with John, while it didn’t end that night, did end at some point in the months that followed.

Losing her friendship still makes me sad.  It’s that age old dilemma of do you tell your friend their partner is cheating or do you not get involved.  If faced with this situation again, I honestly don’t know what I would do.

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2 thoughts on “Do you have any friends you regret not keeping in touch with?

  1. Hmmmm, it is a very tricky position to be in. I think you made the right decision in telling her, as you have already said the pub was not the most appropriate place to break that kind of news although I can see why you did, especially if other people were encouraging you too. Peer pressure, argh!

    Would I want to know? YES. I would also prefer a friend to tell me, I would hate the thought of people gossiping about me and my boyfriend behind my back. Such a shame you got that kind of reaction.

    Your friend probably has regrets about it too! Maybe one day you will both sit down and sort it out.

    Friendships can be repaired if strong enough 🙂

    • Don’t I know it!

      Thanks for the comment again! My only regret is the way in which I told her. I think I would also want to know, I would be angry if I discovered something had been going on and friends knew but had kept the secret.

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